Leading by example in the family
Today’s post has been written by Peter & Jill Davey. They have been married for 58 years and have brought up 4 children who are all going on with God. Over the years they have been an example to many in their commitment to each other and to their family. They are a go-to couple for excellent advice, support and encouragement.
Family
A family can be defined as a group of people united by blood, marriage, adoption, or committed, long-term relationships, often sharing a common household and providing emotional and financial support.
However, we each have a different history and experience of being in a family. You may not have experienced emotional or financial support for example. There may be aspects of your upbringing which you are eager to leave behind, whilst some things will form the foundation upon which you will build your own married life.
Consistent Principles
From the start we set some basic principles which we continue to follow based largely upon Colossians 3.13-15!
We agreed to make no big decisions unless/until we were agreed and both had peace about it. We have found blessing from this peace rule and regret in haste!
A daily practice links Col 3.8, 12-15 and Eph 4.26-27 to never go to sleep without settling any dispute, thereby depriving the devil of any foothold. Anger between us has lasted only moments before we apologise with kisses and hugs. We have practised letting peace rule / garrison your hearts!
Listen
Throughout the years there has been one constant anchor, listening ear, patient carer in Jill! It is she who has been the one to challenge the teenage moods or sibling squabbles, and general moulding of an open communication space with wonderful positive relationships which endure.
Even now she will be the one to ask the pointed “How are you really?” I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that she has spent hours talking with and listening to our children about problems and where appropriate leading them to pray together over issues, with sometimes dramatic results where school
atmospheres and relationships have changed.
Choose
Love inevitably changes over time but never forget that we CHOOSE to love in the same way that we choose to be offended, and choose to forgive!
There are many times when we don’t understand the reason why things happen but we choose to continue to believe in the goodness and faithfulness of God!
Jill and I continue to tell each other daily; “I love you!” It’s not the same ‘feelings’ as when we were younger but it IS the same certainty and deep-rooted commitment and passion we have for each other!
Be prepared to change!
A couple of weeks after our honeymoon Jill, feeling the early stages of pregnancy, cried out in prayer for God to intervene and cause me to “help do the dishes”. Within a few minutes God answered Jill’s prayer and I came to the kitchen offering to help! God is good!
Share the load!
Galatians 6.1-5 is helpful! Take time to listen to each other and learn how to read your spouse / your child’s need / mood?
Men – don’t be so wrapped up in yourself that you can’t perceive your family member’s needs! Make sure you share your feelings, concerns, thoughts, and joys with your spouse!
Ladies – don’t assume that your spouse should know without you telling him. Let him know your needs, in a loving way! Encourage sharing!
As a couple – you need to model good communication to your family and also others who come to your home.
There may also be times to take spiritual authority against any contrary spirit which may seek to enter your home!
Jill and I once prayed at our front door to refuse the ‘bickering, argumentative spirit’ associated with some visitors from entering our home. It was not what we wanted and we declared the peace of Jesus to reign – and it did, every time they came to stay afterwards!
Children
One evening on my usual dog walk I (Peter) felt taunted by the thought that our children would inevitably reject Jesus. At the end of our drive I was praying about this and felt God say to me ‘Well that’s true if you take responsibility for them, but if you give them to me and continue to do what I
have called you to do then I’ll look after them!’
I stopped walking and said aloud ‘Well Lord they’re yours! You look after them!’ We resumed what we had been doing and so far each of our children continue to follow Jesus. God is faithful!
To the Children – your parents may not seem to understand you but actually they’ve probably been through what you are facing now! Ask them, share with them, involve them in your decisions. Remember they are the ones who will never stop ‘fighting for you’ long after all others have gone away!
Final thoughts
TALK TOGETHER – LISTEN TO EACH OTHER – SHARE TOGETHER – FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER – LOVE EACH OTHER – GUARD YOUR HEARTS – LET THE PEACE OF GOD RULE IN YOUR HOME.
Thank you Peter & Jill
You may like to listen to a complementary talk from Rob and Alison about their marriage journey.
